Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
