well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
