my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have fence marks all over my body
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Shame - the story of my life.
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