??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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