The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
