I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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