I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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