I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
