he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
