So drunk its hurt
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
