the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
