Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
