I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
