jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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