What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
