I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He shit in the fireplace
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
