11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
