This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
