he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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