Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
