I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Who died my cat blue again?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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