Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
