He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
