i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
