I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
