If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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