I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
