Apparently you make a good broom.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My pussy is not your playground.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
