Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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