Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
