I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Did I show you my penis last night?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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