Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can't turn off my feet"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
