Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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