Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
