omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
