True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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