u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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