i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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