We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
