Taylor Swift is so right about you.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
