soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
