i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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