We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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