Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
