He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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