You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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