I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
