I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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