I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
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