the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
