You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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