just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize