dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
