Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I am naked and annoyed.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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