I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize