he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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