I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
