Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
