I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize