Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
