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this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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