hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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