I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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