I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
