I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize