My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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