Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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