If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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