Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
