People in love make me want to vomit
accomplished twins. life is a go
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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