I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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