Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
