she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
