the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
