I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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