yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
