i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
