Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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