I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
