i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just come out here and I will go home with you...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
