im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I AM VODKA MAN
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
