considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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