I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
