There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize