You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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