The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
