Everything about him screamed your future.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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