Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
