when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
