let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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