I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
