Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
