He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
